watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
