I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
