butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
