guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
