just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
