we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
