Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
