I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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