Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
