Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
