Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
