I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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