so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
