I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
