normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
