Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
