Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
