so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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