Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Duck Duck Cougar?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
