Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
