you would pick up someone in the library
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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