Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And then he peed in my hair
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