I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
