I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
