you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
