Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
