Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
