i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
