Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
