i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
