All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
