I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
how does that bad decision feel?
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