I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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