I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
