so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
