i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
