Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
