I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
smell my finger.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
