how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
