At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
