guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
