He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
