I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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