I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
