It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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