Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
