Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
