We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
