I accidentally had phone sex last night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
