I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
