dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
