if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
