he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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